A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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