He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
