Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
