i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
