She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
