But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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