not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
