I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
