Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
