Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
