Don't make out with my wife yet
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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