I bet he comes in French.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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