My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
