i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
