They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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