Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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