Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
