he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
