Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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