hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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