I'm going to jail i love you
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
