Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
