I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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