is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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