It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
