oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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