Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
