I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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