I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize