Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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