Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
