he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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