Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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