Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
