Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We need to rekindle our bromance
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
