Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize