"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
