look no pants
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
