There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize