I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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