My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
