I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
