you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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