I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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