Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
