dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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