my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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