Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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