I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
