you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize