Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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