Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
