can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
