Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
