On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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