the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
