Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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