I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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