As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
