ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
