thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
