I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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