I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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