aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
