I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize