I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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