I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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