im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
