he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
