Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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