I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
