Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
