I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
