Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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