I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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