Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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