Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
