Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
