Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
