YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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