I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
