I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
