You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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