dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
