I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
