remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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