Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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