How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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