Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
