Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
