If i could tip my vagina, i would.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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