No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
