i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
