its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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