It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
