nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize