the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize