Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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