I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
