apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
