Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
