I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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