Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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