I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
