Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
