She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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